fueled mind

Departed Ways jfjf

Voice! I’m coming to find you if it takes me all night. No delving on the cards for sometime. Everything will be all right. I may, or may not have, attempted to sing while pulling that damn ice cream cone, minus the ice cream. It did come as somewhat of a surprise the next day. I never intended for my voice to pack up and leave. Does anyone for that matter? 

She him and me.

She'll lie next to me and tickle her wrists with my hair. He's not my friend, after all. She kisses me and watches me dance. She is my muse. On the dance floor we press against each other. She is brash. I want to know him. He is aggressive, his glasses emphasise his frown lines. She shouts at all my friends and everyone else. He wears old woolen jumpers. We kissed again. She doesn't like it when I stroke her face but I always want to. She stamps her thick-soled shoes on the dance floor to the tempo; sometimes. They are registered at university. There is a hole in his jumper; I know where it is. He plays guitar and he sings, quietly. She loves to dance with me when there is no one else on the floor, we look good together, I think. He loves me. She's in a club, sometimes I don't know what to say or I say too much. I miss him when he's not around; there are things I think we could tell each other. She blows accomplished smoke rings, I often look at her photograph. I enjoyed kissing her. She'll make you dinner; you'll like it. She likes the word "pretentious" and she pronounces all of her syllables on purpose. I want to know him. They don't see me during the week; I wish they did. She talks more than me, more than anyone I know but I don't mind, I tell people about her, I mean what I say. She is beautiful. She doesn't care. They pick their moments, never very aptly; they support each other. She is self-conscious, I read her by her facial expressions, and I read her well. He always wears that jacket. She made me a scarf and I sometimes wear it in summer, we reminisce. She is older than me; I know you wouldn't have known. They're medicated. It was her I called when I thought I might die, it was. He secretly loves her; he wishes it wasn't a secret. He always ends up sitting in that same seat in that same position, I don't know why. If I am to die, she has plan. She's the same as me. She hardly ever wears underwear.  She goes shopping for me. She smells antique. I think I will tell her things that I have not told anyone else. He doesn't know that I know; maybe he does. He chokes me. I sit next to him when I feel lonely. He admires me. He is trustworthy and loyal and good and I think he could be my best friend. He's a show off but he knows it! He embitters me, makes me jealous and makes me doubt myself. They all said they loved me once. She inspired me and to think of those nights in the smoke fills me with hope and pride. She speaks in stirring phrases; she wears cheap clothes, they look tacky, she is earthy; she is dirty; it doesn't matter. I regret some of what I said to him. I kiss her because she wants me to. I'd wed her. She is black and white and sometimes red - often red, in fact. I don't know him. To me, she is sex. She changed my life. He stares at me when he thinks I can't see, I don't know why, I'd like to. I think we should have been lovers. Sometimes he sickens me. She is my best friend. She invited me in before I knew her; I'd like to repay her. She listens to me like I listen to her; I wonder if she knows I'm not listening. She never gave me a chance; maybe she will, I don't care. I don't see enough of her; I can see enough of him. She's a great partner. I hope she knows. She is her own contradiction. He is over confident; I mean arrogant. He keeps coming back; or maybe I do. I borrowed his jumper once.

Woodford

Woodford is going to be a shindig of epic proportions... so epic that it's like watching a mouse run for cheese... it's like watching a cat run for that mouse... like watching a dog watching that cat going "man, if I ate cat, I'd totally run for that." Totes. Yo.

Tom Lawrence aka Dark Horse

Beat pusher, pusher of the very fine beats, that I have had the privilege of delving into. We hold hands and grace the streets with our undeniable beauty and a sultry look in our eyes. Oh! How lucky we are to of found one another. We are determined to break down the boundaries that define sense and sensibility. In the words of two great poets who came together to form one prolific verse; A life long full of youthful spirit and debauchery, often results in a strong hangover and a prolong feeling of sleep deprivation. Delirium too I may add. We are pumping the love drug seriously hard and I would give anything for this day to never end. 

101

One more coffee (of the instant variety) and you might as well put your head in a vice. Brilliant idea 101, streamline that shit.  

Late..

Late... Why the hell are you ALWAYS late Leah?

It’s horrid.

Stop it!! 

For the use of the young

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900): 

Phrases And Philosophies For The Use Of The Young 

Bibliographic Notes:  First published in the 1894 December (and only) issue of the Oxford 

student magazine The Chameleon. 

The first duty in life is to be as artificial as possible.  What the second duty 

is no one has as yet discovered. 

Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious 

attractiveness of others. 

If the poor only had profiles there would be no difficulty in solving the 

problem of poverty. 

Those who see any difference between soul and body have neither. 

A really well-maded buttonhole is the only link between Art and Nature. 

Religions die when they are proved to be true.  Science is the record of 

dead religions. 

The well-bred contradict other people.  The wise contradict themselves. 

Nothing that actually occurs is of the smallest importance. 

Dullness is the coming of age of seriousness. 

In all unimportant matters, style, not sincerity, is the essential.  In all 

important matters, style, not sincerity, is the essential. 

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.

Pleasure is the only thing one should live for.  Nothing ages like happiness. 

It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory 

of the commercial classes. 

No crime is vulgar, but all vulgarity is crime.  Vulgarity is the conduct of 

others. 

Only the shallow know themselves. 

Time is a waste of money. 

One should always be a little improbable. 

There is a fatality about all good resolutions.  They are invariably made 

too soon. 

The only way to atone for being occasionally a little over-dressed is by 

being always absolutely over-educated. 

To be premature is to be perfect. 

Any preoccupation with ideas of what is right and wrong in conduct shows 

an arrested intellectual development. 

Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. 

A truth ceases to be true when more than one person believes in it. 

In examinations the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer.

Greek dress was in its essence inartistic.  Nothing should reveal the body 

but the body. 

One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art. 

It is only the superficial qualities that last.  Man's deeper nature is soon 

found out. 

Industry is the root of all ugliness. 

The ages live in history through their anachronisms. 

It is only the gods who taste of death.  Apollo has passed away, but 

Hyacinth, whom men say he slew, lives on.  Nero and Narcissus are 

always with us. 

The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young 

know everything. 

The condition of perfection is idleness: the aim of perfection is youth. 

Only the great masters of style ever succeed in being obscure. 

There is something tragic about the enormous number of young men there 

are in England at the present moment who start life with perfect profiles, 

and end by adopting some useful profession. 

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

Charlie's reaction to the entry below.

Life Number 11

You have the potential to be a source of inspiration and illumination for people. You possess an inordinate amount of energy and intuition. There is so much going on in your psyche that you are often misunderstood early in life, making you shy and withdrawn. You have far more potential than you know. You galvanize every situation you enter. You inspire people, but without your conscious effort. Energy seems to flow through you without your controlling it. This gives you both power and sometimes emotional turmoil. You are a channel for information between the higher and the lower, between the realm of the archetype and the relative world. Ideas, thoughts, understanding, and insight - all of these can come to you without your having to go through a rational thought process. There seems to be a bridge, or connection, between your conscious and unconscious realms, attuning you to a high level of intuition through which even psychic information can flow. All of this amounts to a great capacity for invention. Many inventors, artists, religious leaders, prophets, and leading figures in history have had the 11 prominent in their chart.

Because you are so highly charged, you experience the consequences of a two-edged sword. You possess great abilities, but indulge in much self-reflection and self- criticism. You often feel highly self-conscious. You are aware on some level that you stand out. Even when you try to blend with your environment, you often feel conspicuous, alien, and out-of-place. You are blessed with a message, or a specific role to play in life. But you must develop yourself sufficiently to take full advantage of that opportunity. Until that time, your inner development takes precedence over your ability to materialize the great undertaking you were chosen to perform. Consequently, 11s seem to develop slowly, but they simply have more to accomplish in their evolution than the average person. Thus, your real success does not usually begin until maturity, between the ages of 35 and 45, when you have progressed further along your path.

You may often be frustrated, largely because you have extremely high expectations of yourself. But these expectations can be unrealistic, and can prevent you from accomplishing anything. You can be very impractical, envisioning a skyscraper when all that was necessary was a two-story house. You may also suffer from bouts of confusion and lack of direction. This gives rise to loss of confidence and the onset of deep depression. The cause of these emotional problems is your lack of understanding of your own sensitivity and potential. Your desire to achieve some great ambition is enormous. However, a lack of confidence in your own ability to realize this dream may cause you much frustration. You sense the enormous potential you possess, which requires equally enormous confidence in your ability to materialize your dream. Confidence is the key that unlocks your potential. On a strictly physical level, you must protect your nervous system, which is inordinately vulnerable to stress because of your acute sensitivity. Depression is often the result of long periods of stress that have gone unrelieved. Seek out peaceful and harmonious environments, relaxing music, and follow a healthful diet in order to restore balance and peace. As an 11 Life Path, you are a highly charged version of the 2 and possess many of the characteristics and talents of that number.

You can be extremely diplomatic and tactful. You are also patient and cooperative. You work well with groups and somehow find a way of creating harmony among diverse opinions. You enjoy music and poetry and require a harmonious environment. You have an eye for beauty and a fine sense of balance and rhythm. You have healing capabilities, especially in such fields as massage, acupuncture, physical therapy, and counseling. You are a sensitive and passionate lover; your perceptiveness makes you aware of your partner's needs and desires, which you are able to fulfill with almost magical delicacy. However, when you feel you have been mistreated or jilted, you can react with devastating power, sometimes using personal criticisms vindictively.

You are a fine companion and possess a good sense of humor. When you have found your niche in life and begun to realize your true potential, your rewards will more than compensate for your trials earlier in life.

Isn't it a perfect world?

Hush now baby while I write this song. 

I canʼt say why I canʼt sleep at night. 

Isnʼt it a perfect world? 

Your my rescue from this all. 

In another world the lights go down in Hollywood. 

Come on and say the words, sooth me like you would. 

Come on make me better, say weʼll stay forever. 

Iʼll be here, iʼll be there. 

Isnʼt it a perfect world? 

Hush now baby while we board this train, there are so many things that you donʼt realise. 

In another world the lights go down in Hollywood. 

Come on, say the words. 

Say Weʼll stay together forever. 

Feeling safe but far away from you. 

If you stay with me iʼll try to get it right. 

I canʼt say why i canʼt sleep at night. 

Isnʼt it a perfect world?  

Falling Deeper.

I’m falling deeper. Walking deeper into the sea. A sea, for what I can see, has no end. You share a language that is most unlike Nadsat. You preach your words as if they hold great meaning. Who ever said they don’t for that matter? The buddy system only works if both parties are willing to participate. One must not let their guard down. Fail, and there is a whole lot at stake. There is no time to dwell on the most trivial of things. Acquiring the act of love holds marvelous power, pure dreamy power. 

Wayward muse

Oh sing heavenly muse. Write this next scene for me. Inspire me, I want to feel it all the way. 

madness

the madness sunk deep into my skin and there was nothing i could do to stop it. nor did i want to. 

Drinking beer with the moon.

In the middle of the flowering grove, one jug of beer.
Drinking alone - no friends or family near -
I raise my cup; invite the moon to join me.
Counting my shadow, we're a party of three.

But moon's a lightweight, doesn't know how to drink,
And shadow simply matches me cup for cup.
For now, though, they'll do just fine, I think.
Spring is here, my friends! Let's live it up.

I start to sing; the moon sways to and fro.
I get up and dance - shadow reels in disarray.
Sober, we crave the company of some jolly fellow;
Drunk, each goes his separate way.

Freed of all ties, yet bound forever more,
Let's get back together on the galaxy's far shore.

Glam rock? I think not.

My friend Charlie is trying to make a tweed coat rock.  It’s a fox hunting English gentlemen meets a heroin shooting New York rocker.  I am all for breaking down the boundaries but is this too far? One might end up looking like a hobo. Not the sort of hobo that one might hope to mimic, the type of hobo that has the look of sear terror in his eyes. The type of hobo that smells like piss and yells obscenities but only to the voice in his head. Plus on top of all this he is trying to bring in the man bag as some sort accessory that all “scensters” need. Street fashion has made a full 360° turn then a further 180°. Glam rock with a big button? I think not. 

Too Critical not at all critical

So what does it mean to be able to write anyway? I mean what defines a good writer or even a brilliant writer. I think it is important for one to get their thoughts down onto paper. Which for some may sound easy but I assure you it is easier said then done. Too critical not at all critical. In this I'm trying to express my view on writers always reviewing their work repeatedly to the point where is it so far removed from their initial thought it doesn’t even correspond. Editing, not at all critical. 

Oh Boy

L.A. Time

My blog works off Los Angeles (North America) time. Just in case you were wondering. 

Something to ponder.

I wonder if anyone watches me while I dance in the garden? Oh! and another thing, Narcissists Anonymous; is there such group? 

The weekend that was

The Weekend that was  

So... A recount of the weekend that JUST was. There were many elements but the one big influence of greatness was the fact that I spent it with Tom Lawrence. It technically still is the weekend however Sunday nights don’t really count for much. I usually just hang in my room feeling half dead and a third alive due to lack of sleep and poison. Tonight my mind is having trouble writing. Well, my fingers are having trouble typing because I have so many thoughts in my mind. Another element of greatness this weekend was the weather (thanks Jesus). Each plan Tom Lawrence and I had worked out to be beyond perfect each time. We came up with the theory; we both have really good karma and with our karma combined we form some sort of super karma. We are cashing in all our points as Tom Lawrence put it. Also we are one in the same so it works out rather nicely. 

So the weekend that was went something like this....

I met up with fellow dark horse in Gordon at around eight o’clock on Friday night. We had arranged to go to his friend Henrys house. 

Oh man. Just too tired and too effected by pure brilliance to write at the moment. I shall get a good nights rest and have a second attempt tomorrow. 

Slow Attack

Under the influence i have learnt..

Your friends may love you, but, do you fuck? I want to break down the barriers and live in harmony. Tripping on LSD is such a powerful thing it appears one may fall in love with the feeling. Is it possible to come out of a comma after two years? Television is getting to my head. If I play with the moon one more time I'm sure to lose. Air guitar doesn’t count. It’s a warning to all of you. Lock up your sons and daughters! Some things I have learnt after been under the influence; if you are going to take acid dedicate the next day to smoking weed. Make sure your house is clean (unless you are at someone else’s). Avoid the supermarket the next day. It plays tricks on you and can seriously fuck you up. Have a drawing pad handy, it will come in handy? Try to avoid ‘Deep and Meaningful’s’. I know that this can be very hard but if you catch yourself out, cut it out right away! Finally never deny yourself! 

Tips

Short Story Plan 

Start with a situation - a problem to be resolved for your protagonist ( the man up the tree).

Then present the problems that can occur (throw some stones):

• Misunderstandings / mistaken identity / lost opportunities etc

The final step is to show how you can solve the problem - get the man down from his leafy perch - safely.

• Love triumphs / good conquers evil / honesty is the best policy / united we stand 

Short Story Theme

Every piece of writing must have a message or thread of meaning running through it, and this theme is the skeleton or framework on which you hang your plot, characters, setting etc.

As you write, make sure that every word is related to this theme. 

It's tempting to use your short story to show off your talents at characterisation, descriptive writing, dialogue or whatever ... But every excess word is a word that dilutes the impact of your story.

The best stories are the ones that follow a narrow subject line. Decide what the point of your story is and even though it's tempting to digress, you must stick to the point otherwise you end up with either a novel beginning or a mish-mash of ideas that add up to nothing. 

Time Span for Your Short Story

An effective short story covers a very short time span. It may be one single event that is momentous in the life of your main character or the story may take place in a single day or even an hour. Try to use the events you depict to illustrate your theme.

Setting for Your Short Story

Because you have such a limited number of words to convey your message, you must choose your settings carefully ... there's no room for free-loaders in a short story! 

That doesn't mean you have to be trite or predictable when deciding on settings. For example, some of the most frightening settings for thrillers are not cemeteries or lonely alleys, but normal places where readers can imagine themselves.

Appeal to your readers' five senses to make your settings more real.  

Characters in Your Short Story

Around three main characters is all a short story can effectively deal with because too many will distract you from your theme.

Don't give in to the urge to provide detailed background on your characters ... decide on the characteristics that are important for your theme and stick to those. If you fall in love with your character, use him/her as the basis for a novel later on.

Short Story Dialogue

Never underestimate the power of dialogue in conveying character, but it must contribute to the main focus of the story - don't just use it to pad out your characters. Every word you put into the mouth of your characters must contribute to revealing your theme ... if it doesn't, be ruthless and cut it.

Vivid Imagery for Your Short Story

Vivid imagery also draws the reader in.

Capture the reader's interest in, and empathy for, your characters. You need to paint such a vivid picture that the reader can imagine himself or herself to be in the scene. Again this goes back to placing yourself there and transposing this into your writing as we discussed earlier.

That involvement is often referred to as reader empathy. And an empathetic reader lives the fictional dream. Let's look at some of the ways in which this can be achieved ... Click to read more about how to create vivid imagery in your short story.

Plot for Your Short Story

Begin with an arresting first paragraph or lead, enough to grab the readers and make them curious to know what happens next.  

Make sure your plot works - there must be a beginning, a middle and an end. But don't spend too much time on the build-up, so that the climax or denouement (as in the twist ending) is relegated to one sentence, leaving the reader bothered and bemused but sadly, not bewitched.  

And don't signal the twist ending too soon - try to keep the reader guessing until the last moment.

If you're telling a fast-moving story, say crime, then keep your paragraphs and sentences short. It's a trick that sets the pace and adds to the atmosphere you're conveying to the reader.  

Don't re-invent the wheel ... take advantage of all the wonderful products that are available to writers (and artists) these days. 

Thirteen Pounds

I lost thirteen pounds and I looked a day older. 

Stop playing

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing

We pretty much love one another

Forever the discoverer

So here goes; last night was very random indeed. After you and I chatted I went to the shops to buy a pack of cigarettes. While down the street I thought I'll just stop in at the pub for a beer, after all it was a Friday. I sat outside and smoked a cigarette and drank my very satisfying cold beer. There were other young people there so me been the discoverer I am I struck up a conversation with them. One thing lead to another and I didn’t reach home until three o’clock this afternoon. My mum said to me when i walked in if two more hours passed she was going to report me missing. HA! ( I doubt it ) However it was very selfish of me not to call her.  My night consisted of a lot of drinking and running through paddocks. I was fun. It was fun. 

Robbed by the system

So over the weekend i was robbed. I felt quite indifferent at the time but the morning after the mood soon changed. I woke to feel violated. Then the next day trying to organise my things again namely my phone number in the hope that i could keep my old one things took a turn for the worst. What should be a routine number change lasting only ten minutes fourty-eight hours later im still no closer to success. Fuck the system, I want my bag back! 

Offerings

Offerings of fruit are left on rooftops & in open courtyards, with lanterns burning all night on houses

Take Direction

It's heading one way or the other and you have to take direction. 

Four cups of coffee and one swine

Four cups of coffee later and you start to wonder where this is headed. Over the hill and far away there lived a girl who liked to spend much time alone. Friends would come and go and she would listen to music by way of her computer. She liked to read and write but most of all she liked to watch herself. Some might say self indulgent swine others may say how lucky she is to be her own best friend. 

self plus books and a bottle of wine. the rest comes later

Dexter said to Conrad

Rescue me from suburban hell, Dexter said to Conrad.  In one foal swoop Conrad came from the East and Dexter jumped into the moving car. Conrad could clearly see the effects that suburban hell was having on Dexter. There was a slight shake to him and an energy that felt indifferent. Conrad couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Ah ha! I have the perfect thing for you Dexter, reach into the glove compartment there is something very lovely indeed in there. It will help take the edge of until we reach the bustling streets of the inner city, Conrad said. Dexter reached in and pulled out a very well rolled and nicely sized joint. He got out the lighter in his pocket and lit that puppy. He thought to himself, this will do the trick.  They went off into the night with no plan except to lose them selves in the city. Once night falls they are both at the peak of their creativity. They are both very abled young men. With youth on side, the world is their oyster. 

A fucking contradiction

Diet ads telling us we can lose weight without dieting. Thats a contradiction in it’s self. Someone alert the authorities. You know how they say you only notice these things because you have some sort of subconscious mind to seek them out. Well, I assure you I don’t. Well, at least I don’t think I do. I have never been on a diet. Um for a little while I was only smoking cigarettes drinking wine, coffee. I became very dehydrated fast and I lost weight. No seriously, it taught me many things. Like, drinking a bottle of wine on an empty stomach gets me trashed and if I want to fit into size six jeans again I'll have to resume to my old ways. 

Seduce Yourself

That thing that i got

So here goes.....

I got this thing, you know this thing that i got’s. This thing i got’s it goes something like this; that thing you know that that i got’s. That thing, you know that thing that i got’s. 

Too many damn stories, i need more time! 

You know that thing. Well, I’ve got it! 

Art Inspired Art. Oh Muse!

Lonely and unsure of himself, thirteen-year-old Logan (played by Malcolm Stumpf) develops a crush on bad boy Rodeo Walker (played by Patrick White). They bond over a shared interest in the parrots  that roam the countryside around their high school, and a shared alienation from school life. As the film progresses, Logan’s infatuation with Rodeo escalates into awkwardly sexual phone calls to him under the assumed guise of a girl named “Leah.” When Rodeo demands to actually meet “Leah,” Logan is left with a dilemma he may not be ready for.

In a mist thou shall not find what one seeks

in a moment

i feel that my secret life is not showing through because i only have one at the moment.

 However, in saying that i could have two in a moment. 

she’s electric man 

I'll show you

The boy with Galliano in his hand.

As I ride the train I can hear some really bad techno. I can also see a young man drinking Galliano straight from the bottle. Smiling contently to himself, I wonder what he is thinking about. A girl perhaps or maybe a boy. I wonder why he is drinking. Is he an alcoholic? Is he nervous about meeting up with the girl and or boy? Maybe he is experimenting with alcohol on the train and seeing where his antics take him. 

A Whisper

A whisper of eye contact. 

A fleeting whisper. 

A simple scream.

A scream down the microphone should be exactly that. There is no room for distortion. It is very important for one to understand the power of raw beauty. This is why I am a lover of rock ’n’ roll. The music alone with the lifestyle stand by the premise of these principals. Simplicity is good, alone with a great mind that is the key. 

By the way.

German pop music corny as fuck. Not ‘a fuck’ rather corny like Swiss army chocolate. 

Too critical not at all critical. Blonde on Blonde spoke to me by way of the radio. Two girls secretly in love. It doesn't make me worry at all. I’m never going to say I'm sorry. I know it makes you worry. 

Tea for two?

She speaks

He sighs

 

She sings

 

He sings

Tea for two? 

Same old story.

My heart is racing! 

It feels like it is swimming in a pool of blood. 

Prozac and Valium was defiantly a good idea. 

All words have lost meaning, a mirror is what i seek.

I wonder if Pfizer ever intended for there pills to be used this way. 

Taste; how do you acquire taste? Peers, pop culture, parents, or does it come from within? Maybe all of the above. These questions still remain unanswered but fuck knows i hate R'N'B! 

Going nowhere with my soul.

The smell of leaves blows up in your face. As you walk along the cracked foot path you wonder how many steps it will take you until you reach home; you start to count; 1, 2, 3 . . .

There is a chill in the wind and as it hits you, you put your hands in your pockets. It’s cold on your face but refreshing. 4, 5, 6 . . . you walk slightly out of your way to kick that round rock. 7, 8, 9, 10 . . . you have a spring in your step because you are so fucking hot. The thought of him makes you sweat. Eleven and you realise you are dead. Your all alone you pumped that love drug too hard. The weight of the word brought you down. However the feeling has all but gone. What is coming? You have already paid a significant debt. You are  potentially committing a criminal offence.  

Hardly a party.

Why? All you seem to do is ask me why. Did you ever stop to think that I have never asked myself that question. I went through with the action. Maybe it is not possible to question my authority with such a callus question. I tap my foot to the melodic vision whilst the room ignites. The party is just getting started but I only want to do is kick back and relax. All I can tell you about last night is that is was a sea of red and black. There were conversations about socialism and pigeons. I remember you looked up at me and said ‘FUCK LEAH’!  Go wash your hands they’re as black as pitch. I exclaim; ‘I swear I didn’t touch it’. 

Burning Desire.

The arch windows that over look the park hold so much potential. You test this theory but you all you are left with is a foul taste in your mouth and a blackened heart. It’s not too late to set things straight. As you sit there it; s getting colder. The rain may fall mainly on the plain but not as long as you are open to interpretation. As the siren sounds you don’t understand why. The building is empty. You look down and realise it’s not the building in need of help, IT’S YOU! It’s doesn’t hurt, you stopped been able to feel a long time ago. How can anybody lack feeling? You are so far removed even though the world is such a beautiful place. A fire is burning as you enter the room, I tend to stare. There is a long way to go before you reach your destination. You only felt it once but it planted a deep seeded desire to feel it again. Now that is the only thing you seek. If it is so wrong tell me what i should do. NO! don’t tell me. FUCK it! I’m far too happy. It’s summer in the city nothing else matters.  

The blinding parade.

There is a parade of girls outside. That boy is so shy why did you have to go and punch out his lights? It was the first one of the day it was the last one of the night. I should go and get some sun on my face. I have the good stuff and there is a parade of boys outside. I’m so blinded, what was the last thing I was to ever see? I’m so free, let me show you the blinding. Out you go. It’s so blinding. I’m a troubled teen to the annoyance of all my lovers. Untroubled only in my day dreams. 

Until the day it stops.

It is important to live your dream and if that means wondering on your own then so be it. What you seek is self discovery and the way you want to be you have to question whether is it possible to do so with a partner. Ask yourself; do you and your partner have the same ideologies? Do you miss the way you never imagined life without her? There lies the problem and it keeps coming till the day it stops. You are safe for the moment but you are facing danger head on. I suggest you run as free as a wild stallion running through a field that has no end. Then you will experience true happiness. 

death has got a hold of me. A grip around me neck but i struggle free. I shot through the air like a bullet from a gun. Nothing has got a hold of me i can be who ever i want to be. choking me as i struggle for breath. all life's beauty i could no longer see. i would love for the peace to wash over me. 

Bound to the Band.

i’ve got a fist full of cash and i want to get rid of it. There is no room for regret. I have tunnel vision and all i can see is myself staring back at me. Give way but please don’t forget. It’s come time when you start to dream and you think you are quite grand. Hey you! your mind has become blurred. Your on the run and your lips are numb. Addiction causes you to tremble but it’s so fun. One more high and it will be the last time your friends ever say goodbye. I just can’t help myself the feelings getting stronger i can’t wait any longer. I kiss my love hello again. I’m on the fringe of disrepair. What a shit thing this means I’m sure you will be left with nothing. Is it possible to come back from the dead? It’s become official,  Listen! You’re so fucking superficial! You crunch your paper and squeal as you listen to your favorite song. You've mastered the art of smoking a cigarette with no hands. Your bound to the band. 

Be poetic and keep in mind.

Never tell too much even if you feel you want to. Appear mystic; mysticism has the marvelous power of making common things seem strange to us. Don’t make comments only tell stories and remember not all stories are worthy of being told. Be poetic with your affection and never make the first move. Don’t talk about sex it hurts you image. You must think of the actual fucking.   

Cold tea

On the weekend you departed with your dreams. It’s three hours past the stroke of midnight and all you have to show for it is a cold cup of tea and an empty pack of cigarettes. I will be the first to say how sad. 

My idea of Europe

Tuesday 3rd June 2008 2:11pm 

I'm sitting in the TAFE library and I'm reading whilst taking notes. I'm reading the following; 

Lonely Planet: Britain                                                                                                          

The independent women’s guide to EUROPE

Oscar Wilde; and his world

The wit and humor of Oscar Wilde

George Orwell; Selected stories

I want to start to plan my trip to Europe. I hope these books will inspire me and give me some idea of where to go and what to do. All I know now is that I want to go to London and see Babyshambles however there is so much more to the blissful continent then the live music scene. I will also add that I am listening to Grinderman. Whenever I picture myself traveling around Europe I see myself traveling alone. Being an independent women and discovering a whole new side of the world. Discover more about myself. Television has taught me a lot about Europe however I have not had the overwhelming feeling of being in a foreign land. When I do watch shows or read articles about the country side I feel it is magical. The same magical feeling I get when I am in forest of the subtropics of far north new south Wales. The magical feeling I get when I am in the city and it’s raining. It’s raining today and it’s dark. The autumn leaves linger in the tress and trickle down onto the path as the wind blows. People are running from cover to cover to avoid getting wet. I love walking down quite streets and ally ways when it is sprinkling. It always rains in England. It is really green and I hate it when people use the term; ‘well I didn’t move here for the wheather’ because that would be something I cherish. Go to Leeds and hang out in Call Lane. Great name and a student hang out. Visit East Yorkshire. Home to Vikings and sparse landscapes. Travel through the UK on buses. Tickets are available National Express agents. $410 will buy you 15 trips which can be used throughout the UK within 60 days.     

A blank notebook

A blank notebook with a definite purpose is pure dreamy power. Its passive fat potential is a self-fulfilling prophesy of potency.

Richard Hell

Raveonettes

I dug my own grave. 

For the love of Oscar

Oscar Wilde on Love

I might mimic a passion that I do not feel, but I cannot mimic one that burns one like fire. 

There are romantic memories, and there is the desire for romance-that is all. Our most fiery moments of ecstasy are merely shadows of what somewhere else we have felt, or of what we long someday to feel. 

Nothing is serious except passion. The intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is all. 

To love oneself in the start of a lifelong romance. 

Young men want to be faithful and are not; old men want to be faithless and cannot.

The very essence of romance in uncertainty.  

Oscar Wilde on Religion

Religions . . . may be absorbed, but they are never disproved. 

Pray must never be answered: if it is, it ceases to be prayer and becomes correspondence.

Religions die when they are proved to be true. Science is the record of dead religions. 

Skepticism is the beginning of Faith. 

And then it came

i don’t know what to write i don’t know what to write i want to move to New York i want to live in London and Paris i want to learn French and become an actor. i want to meet noel fielding i think he is wonderful. i want to meet a musician and hang out with him in clubs and pubs around the city. i want us to feed off each others creativity. wear outrageous clothes together and become ultra cool and be well know around the city. have wonderful sex and drink all the time. do coke together and never take exercise. 

A life long full of youthful spirit and debauchery. 

The mountain green

The mountain top is in the clouds.                  Drink a bottle of wine and continue.                             You are sure to get wet but that is not an issue.     

 It is your day, conquer it and succeed. 

Smoke the green and go straight down.  

We didn't go into town that night

We didn’t go into town that night.    We went to the fraudulent house around the corner.

 I wasn’t invited but I pleaded until they said yes.  

You are not allowed to drink.      No!       I said no!       Others said yes.     Lets share in what you have. 

Come with me now you are under the influence.      I'll show you the way but first you must get dressed.       What do I wear?        Don’t show me your naked self. 

Once we arrived your presence was known to all except yourself. 

What are you waiting for?           Lose yourself and don’t complain.

 Your love gave up on you and forced others to concede defeat.  

This isn’t right.            Go to your circle and do not talk to the enemy.

 What do you hope to achieve?                I seek happiness. 

Take from the plentiful. 

Dance in the new day.

 Kiss that boy but don’t tell a soul. 

newspapers and feral cats

Do you want that newspaper job? Cataloging is so painful! Shoot that cat in the heart. He is feral, he is killing all the native animals. 

wither in the rain

Did it hurt when you fell from hell

People want to hurt me 

They think I lack feeling

 Purple velvet and death by gun shot

Down a bottle of wine and you tend to cry

Push me over into the mirror

I want to give some back to society

We meet at four am 

There is no bed

It consumes my thoughts

What do you think you might do

Pick the gold band up from out of the gutter 

 It's raining and your out of breath

I run but he follows

Why should I care

Do not get caught

 Put it back now before anyone notices it’s gone

within minutes of picking the rose it begins to wither

As the candles burn hours pass

Like the unknown solider I'm alone