Ryan

I just realised partly because of what you said last night maybe we should stop hanging out because i do not want anything more than just friends.

Leah

I was just trying to suggest that we hang out in a more social setting. i only want to be just friends too but it hardly feels like it. It kinda just feels like this perpetual one night stand. I you ever feel like going to a gig together or having lunch call me. I like you Ryan 'as a friend' but it's almost as if i hardly know you. 

Ryan

You are very succinct and articulate in your thoughts. i agree with you and so it shall be done. 

via text after a grotesque night being with Ryan ( we slept on his fathers office floor)

It was hardly critical. I don't care anymore. 

I sitting in my room listening to the new Ian Brown album. It’s really good, very political. You should check it out. I’m also talking to myself. Telling myself stories about up north. Then I suddenly thought of the time you and i were at home and i think it was a saturday. We were sitting there and you suggested that we take some acid. I was really tired but you were really keen. I think we did a quarter each and we watched rage, then i went to bed. I remember waking up at various times during the night and noticing that you weren’t in bed. At one point i thought to myself I'm stuck in limbo. i wanted to join you but i was too tired. So i thought to myself the only way you are going to escape this Leah is by taking a sleeping pill, so i did. I feel asleep and i woke to you laying next to me, then i heard  you leaving the house. When i woke i was right awake immediately. So i went over to the window and i could see you walking up the street. i got dressed and i went to go join you. i knew that you would only be sitting in the park.  As i was walking up the street i saw you walking down. we sat on the corner together for a while discussing various things and then the topic of your singlet came up. We both laughed at the fact that you had brought a plain white singlet from a shop called toochoozy. note I'm laughing as a write this. it was five in the morning and summer time. the best part of the day in the best part of the year. next thing a women walks past and i swear she was at least seventy and she was wearing short shorts and i plain white tee tucked in, with flip on heels. she made eye contact with us and would not let go. as she walked off we both said how strange it was. we were rolling cigarettes and continued to talk a little more then decided to go inside. once inside i got changed into a dress and started drinking vodka. you declined to have any. i started to write a poem and this is how it went: 

the trees create shadows

the greens they form are of rare beauty

the whistling of the leaves makes a sound of loneliness 

no one is ment to be here

like the unknown solider I'm alone

I think you stayed up all night you tubing grinderman videos. Also another artist, i can’t remember who but i think it was an older band. I’m sure the start of a great appreciation for who ever it was. 

Leah xx

My favorite high-rise in sydney. The deutsche bank.

A complicated situation

love is a complicated situation. if you don't give you don't get. is it possible to show too much of one's self to a lover? is it okay for friends to become lovers? who can you tell if the feeling is mutual? can lovers ever become friends? i'll pray for my soul to keep.