Time

When returning from a trip one may think the ability to write something remotely interesting will come over me and it shall be brilliant. This is sadly not the case for me. Thoughts are what keep me awake at night. Lying in bed at five am and thinking of great things I would like to express and saying to myself, ‘that is great I will defiantly get that down in the morning’ (but never do due to me not remembering) fills me with wonder. Like, my five am brain is my real brain. Stimulants add to my inability to sleep too, as well as depressants for that matter. However, depressants do make me think clearer, I think? So, I shall continue, for at least the little while. 

Something else that has become clear to me is my inability to keep anything in my possession for longer than six months....erm... make that nine. Yet again I have lost my mobile phone. Which, has led me to ride the no phone wave for that past month. It’s my way of saying, up yours optus, nokia, consumerism, the world. No, not really. More, just a social experiment. However, it is proving to be more trying as the days roll on by and my curiosity is getting the better of me. My friend said to me the other day that I would receive all the text messages sent to me over the past month, provided I keep the same number. Which is always the case, oh yeah, that’s something I haven’t lost despite been through about eight phones in the past two years. 

Oh Sydney how I love you. Oh Sydney how I hate you. Maybe it is time for me to say goodbye. Perhaps not forever, I doubt it will be forever. Or, maybe I should play my hand at ditching all that I know here and go with something else? What for example? I don’t know. I do not even know where to start. Well, spend much time alone until something comes to mind. It is quite easy for me to fall back into the game of being surround by people who make me fell social but do not necessarily make me happy. I did shun the bright lights of the city for a while last year. Where did it get me? Well, I wasn’t subjected to people who don’t understand me nor do they wish to even try. I get it Leah, you’re a cynic.

I often think if I were to meet someone who is exactly, EXACTLY the same as me I would be largely disappointed. I think, in ways the Taxi Club is similar to me. I mean, it’s odd, it drinks like a fish and is up all night.  Maybe not, probably not. Perhaps I am more like Dahli’s Cafe. People rarely visit but when they do, they enjoy it but often forget, or care too much to come back. 

When visiting the Hare Krishna farm up north I thought if all else fails I could just come to live out my days here. Which would require me to convert however, if I had explored every other avenue perhaps it would be a small price to pay? Or, perhaps I would come to realise it was the right path for me to take all along. I trust that as I grow older things shall become clear, but for now everything is a blur.